Tonight is New Year's Eve. Melissa and I will all but certainly follow our usual New Year's tradition and watch "When Harry Met Sally" once again. It's very nice to have our own life with its own traditions instead of following those dictated by others. There are so many things I am free to do right at long last but this is one with which I have managed to follow through. We don't get tired of this movie yet we enjoy it more some years than others. One of the keys is to avoid watching it during any time of the year and the other is a main benefit of watching a movie so many times. We can chat about it while it's playing and neither of us gets annoyed or misses anything. Thus, I look forward to our evening.
All in all, it hasn't been the best of years. Our finances remain in the hopeless category yet I know one or two good breaks are scheduled to come our way. Melissa is on a career track at work and has been for some time. Now, she has but two rungs remaining on the ladder of goals she set for herself. Each one will take a year or more and I'm leaning toward the more but I expect her to get her own store. I don't know when it might happen, which store it might be or even which company she might be working for by that time but I have faith in her. She works had with persistance and she can take a metaphorical punch better than anyone I know.
For my side of things, I have been writing. Most of my projects are mostly finished but I have come to accept mostly finished as a good state of being. As far as I'm concerned, no project will be truly finished until my signature is on a publishing contract, galleys have been corrected and I find out how to make public appearances even with my symptoms. It won't bear the slightest resemblance to easy but, it it did, I wouldn't need to be involved. I don't do the easy stuff. To put it more practically, I am not letting myself get caught up in steps that are well down the road because I don't understand them yet. The great terrifying unknowns are losing their ability to paralyze me at least where writing is concerned.
Another old habit of mine involves declaring defeat because I haven't passed the great test yet. Great and terrifying tests stand ahead of me yet I have to remember to give them my best when they arrive instead of fretting about them while today's lesser tests get no attention. The best example of how I've improved in practical matters is that I have paid enough attention to the power, phone and water bills to not have to stress over how to get them turned back on. It isn't as easy as it should be for me to declare this to be a form of victory. You know who's voice delivers an assessment of everything I've done measured against perfection and I fall short every tiime.
It took a long time for me to begin the process of letting go the higher standards I held for me. Trying to hold myself to the highest possible standards led to very little but failure and failure was unacceptable. In some ways, life was easier when I had an "eject and die" button to press. When I failed to meet those higher standards and then dropped below what I believed the theoretical "crumb bum" would achieve, I could decide to stop wasting oxygen and end it all. Of course, I failed at that and the shame made me do what I should have done in the first place. I learned to cope with failure first and I've since found a sense in achievement in coping with what I found below my standards.
Let's face it: the obstacles in my way are not the sort that everyone handles. You might be surprised at how well most people in the disabled community handle life's difficulties. That's why I don't try to find standards to use in making comparisons. If you're hurting, I believe you and believe that your achievements are as special as the obstacles can be difficult. A lot of people out there seem to have it easy until it all falls apart one day. They might not have had obstacles to overcome so that they learned the right skills in coping. Try to avoid looking down on the high and mighty when they fall because being high and mighty is poor training for a fall.
Over the past year, I have learned to fall and fall then fall some more. Things got bad but I always got back up with Melissa's help. Therefore, the trials ahead for 2016 scare the hell out of me but I believe we will survive them. We might even come out ahead somehow. I'm not sure it's possible but this is the domain of faith and hope. When we got a car totaled, we replaced it with a better one where we sit more comfortably and everything works despite the fact that it wasn't new. The car payment and increased insurance have been tough but we scrape by.
Tonight, I plan to spend a moment being proud of scraping by somehow. It could all come crashing down on us tomorrow but tonight marks another year of making too few resources stretch to cover too many needs. The numbers didn't balance out in every category but they did in enough to get by. The agony was too much for me some of the time but we kept it bearable most of the time. I wake each day differently from my distant past. Instead of planning how to end it all that day, I plan to find the best way to putter on. That's where we find our pride in this household. Today was another day when we didn't give and held tightly to our vows.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Friends, Countrymen and Bullies of All Shapes and Sizes
I overextended myself yesterday trying to stick my head up to be noticed in my various outlets and causes that I support. Still, I'm back today wanting to rant about politics. As usual, I'm going to try keeping my political voice as non-partisan as possible but you do know that I'm not just a Democrat to avoid the choices of Republican and Independent. At this moment, foreign policy is dominating the political scene. ISIS, the Muslim version of the KKK on steroids, has been trying to goad the West into a war for as long as it has existed. Unfortunately, the West has certain fools and court jesters willing to pay in the blood of other men and women to serve their common cause with a group better described by an Arabic acronym I've never seen spelled in English or Arabic but is pronounced something like "Dash." Phonetically, "d'YOOSH" might be much closer.
ISIS claims to be Muslim the same way that the Kluckers here at home have claimed to be Christian for centuries. They are a violent gang that exists to maintain their scary reputation so that they can live off the ill gotten gains of extortion. They recruit from a vulnerable population: wannabe rebels and revolutionaries in search of a cause. Having studied the Bible from different points of view for decades, I can tell you that holy texts are a poor place to learn basic reading. They are advanced political textbooks involving a certain range of views and the unchallenged prejudices of the day.
Over the many centuries during which the books of the Bible were written, there was no such concept as "gay rights." Militaristic cultures accepted homosexual acts as a matter of course. Take a very large group of men and put them through the extreme emotions of military life in those days and those men will become very lonely. These men will be of all types before they are put into the casting mold intended to create conformist soldiers who can be put into the sort of unit that will take terrible losses in any war. Extremely poor hygeine, lack of access to reliable supply lines and exhaustion left them vulnerable to disease. The only thing within an infantry soldier's control was staying in close formation so that you and your shield mates protected each other. This led to a closeness that I try to depict in my military fiction but cannot truly understand without having been in the military.
Don't get me wrong. I'm mostly describing the Greco-Roman militaristic cultures when I speak of homosexuality being openly accepted. Somehow, the monotheists managed to get morality all mixed up in the subject. The obviousness of men comforting other men was driven underground but I would bet money that I don't have against you if you think it stopped. After all, no one stopped having wars where men found themselves cold and terrified. When Roman legionaire Mythicus had to go on guard duty before setting up his shelter, Bestus Friendus was the only thing between him and freezing overnight because someone stole his shelter and ate his rations. Mythicus and Bestus would do anything for each other. Sparta was fairly liberal in their own brutal ways. Boys would grow up immersed in military training where they saw no women including their mothers. During the campaign season, a lot of shield-mate relationships would form. At home, men considered too old for military service joined the women who had been doing all the work including decision making. Heterosexual relationships were largely reserved for childmaking.
Meanwhile, a boy as generally obedient as I was, would have been stoned to death at least once a week according to the law. When people want to get back to Biblical principles or Koranic principles (I'm only guessing at this term.) they have to decide which principles to emphasize and which to ignore. I'm not even claiming some shining of honor for modernity. We have far too many laws on the books. Prosecutorial discretion is supposed to be about mercy, compassion and it is a mechanism by which young lives should be saved from the ruin of a prison record. Instead, it ends up being a means by which race based injustice is enforced. There are so many laws on the books that a police officer could (but probably won't) arrest everyone he dislikes enough.
This entry is into its third or fourth day as technical problems have made it difficult to finish. Thankfully, the program saves my work frequently so I lost relatively little of this entry and I broke off with my little fear of police. For some reason, I'm willing to tell people that I have disorders involving irrational fears but I have a lot more trouble explaining what those fears are. One of them happens to be fear of police interaction. Since I happen to be white with no criminal record, I don't fall into any statistical categories where those few bad apples perform their misdeeds. At the same time, I happen to have had more unpleasant interactions with police than pleasant since I got out of convenience store clerking. We're talking mostly very mild stuff like a couple of traffic/parking tickets over the course of my driving life from back when I could drive.
Without getting into any details, these were mild issues where it is likely that I was wrong to some degree anyway. I wished to be given the benefit of the doubt especially during the time when the officer did not witness the single car accident that happened behind me. He gave me a ticket for "failure to yield right of way" when I pulled out into traffic and my limited senses told me that I had plenty of time. The other driver might have been hurt so I stopped in an attempt to be a good Samaritan. The other driver was not hurt but started talking about it being my fault which I thought was a natural reaction. The cop showed up suddenly, took our stories and issued me a ticket.
With the number of times a policeman has saved my life or prevented me from being harmed in some way, I keep a relaxed attitude toward what are honest mistakes at worst. When no one gets shot or has any other form of violence inflicted on him (me), I believe in giving latitude. I'll have to be fair toward authority figures in general because my parents always believe that [whatever] is my fault. I didn't want to call 911 when I was scared half to death by what might have been someone looking in my window with a flashlight. It also might have been someone walking by who was using a flashlight sensibly in the dark. I don't feel safe so I would prefer to live on the second floor or higher in a place with a security door.
Joke as I may about Peeping Toms, my real fear is that I might look out my window and see my father looking in at me. It only happened on and that was in 1992. As a college freshman, I fouled up setting up my phone. We had outgoing only data lines at the time which weren't labeled in my room anyway. After a week of not being able to reach me, he showed up at the window right above my bed. He was being paranoid but I can't exactly throw stones.
The truth is that my house has so much trash that needs to be taken out on the Appalachian trail hike to the dumpster that I might get a ticket for fire code violations or something. In that moment of terror for my life, I chose keeping my problems visually concealed over having my life protected. I can even examine this further. If a cop wrote me a summons to appear before a judge, I might find some way to benefit from it. The cop and the judge would both see the extent of my disability and a door to some help might open up. The (completely made up) "Christian Fund for Helping Shut-Ins Move Their Trash Past Where They Can Walk" might appear and improve my life considerably. Sure, there would be questions about why Melissa feels so awful that she needs to take naps of varying length after work. These are not voluntary naps when they happen but are more of a collapse from exhaustion. Yes, she has a doctor appointment scheduled about this and the bloodwork is done.. The previous appointment or two was/were canceled on account of a sick doctor.
However, I am terrified that the system will share my father's opinions on me and resort to a straw man argument that I believe I should be resolved of all blame..Just thinking about the potential conflict is making me twitch violently. Melissa felt she had to call me from work while she was at dinner because she could tell I was down. I appreciated it a whole lot and was able to sleep some afterward. That ended when Madeline decided that she was hungry. I would have fed her on time except that we were out of food. I what what's going to happen. My sweet baby cat will slip up one day and yowl out, "Feed me Seymour! I'm Hongry!"
ISIS claims to be Muslim the same way that the Kluckers here at home have claimed to be Christian for centuries. They are a violent gang that exists to maintain their scary reputation so that they can live off the ill gotten gains of extortion. They recruit from a vulnerable population: wannabe rebels and revolutionaries in search of a cause. Having studied the Bible from different points of view for decades, I can tell you that holy texts are a poor place to learn basic reading. They are advanced political textbooks involving a certain range of views and the unchallenged prejudices of the day.
Over the many centuries during which the books of the Bible were written, there was no such concept as "gay rights." Militaristic cultures accepted homosexual acts as a matter of course. Take a very large group of men and put them through the extreme emotions of military life in those days and those men will become very lonely. These men will be of all types before they are put into the casting mold intended to create conformist soldiers who can be put into the sort of unit that will take terrible losses in any war. Extremely poor hygeine, lack of access to reliable supply lines and exhaustion left them vulnerable to disease. The only thing within an infantry soldier's control was staying in close formation so that you and your shield mates protected each other. This led to a closeness that I try to depict in my military fiction but cannot truly understand without having been in the military.
Don't get me wrong. I'm mostly describing the Greco-Roman militaristic cultures when I speak of homosexuality being openly accepted. Somehow, the monotheists managed to get morality all mixed up in the subject. The obviousness of men comforting other men was driven underground but I would bet money that I don't have against you if you think it stopped. After all, no one stopped having wars where men found themselves cold and terrified. When Roman legionaire Mythicus had to go on guard duty before setting up his shelter, Bestus Friendus was the only thing between him and freezing overnight because someone stole his shelter and ate his rations. Mythicus and Bestus would do anything for each other. Sparta was fairly liberal in their own brutal ways. Boys would grow up immersed in military training where they saw no women including their mothers. During the campaign season, a lot of shield-mate relationships would form. At home, men considered too old for military service joined the women who had been doing all the work including decision making. Heterosexual relationships were largely reserved for childmaking.
Meanwhile, a boy as generally obedient as I was, would have been stoned to death at least once a week according to the law. When people want to get back to Biblical principles or Koranic principles (I'm only guessing at this term.) they have to decide which principles to emphasize and which to ignore. I'm not even claiming some shining of honor for modernity. We have far too many laws on the books. Prosecutorial discretion is supposed to be about mercy, compassion and it is a mechanism by which young lives should be saved from the ruin of a prison record. Instead, it ends up being a means by which race based injustice is enforced. There are so many laws on the books that a police officer could (but probably won't) arrest everyone he dislikes enough.
This entry is into its third or fourth day as technical problems have made it difficult to finish. Thankfully, the program saves my work frequently so I lost relatively little of this entry and I broke off with my little fear of police. For some reason, I'm willing to tell people that I have disorders involving irrational fears but I have a lot more trouble explaining what those fears are. One of them happens to be fear of police interaction. Since I happen to be white with no criminal record, I don't fall into any statistical categories where those few bad apples perform their misdeeds. At the same time, I happen to have had more unpleasant interactions with police than pleasant since I got out of convenience store clerking. We're talking mostly very mild stuff like a couple of traffic/parking tickets over the course of my driving life from back when I could drive.
Without getting into any details, these were mild issues where it is likely that I was wrong to some degree anyway. I wished to be given the benefit of the doubt especially during the time when the officer did not witness the single car accident that happened behind me. He gave me a ticket for "failure to yield right of way" when I pulled out into traffic and my limited senses told me that I had plenty of time. The other driver might have been hurt so I stopped in an attempt to be a good Samaritan. The other driver was not hurt but started talking about it being my fault which I thought was a natural reaction. The cop showed up suddenly, took our stories and issued me a ticket.
With the number of times a policeman has saved my life or prevented me from being harmed in some way, I keep a relaxed attitude toward what are honest mistakes at worst. When no one gets shot or has any other form of violence inflicted on him (me), I believe in giving latitude. I'll have to be fair toward authority figures in general because my parents always believe that [whatever] is my fault. I didn't want to call 911 when I was scared half to death by what might have been someone looking in my window with a flashlight. It also might have been someone walking by who was using a flashlight sensibly in the dark. I don't feel safe so I would prefer to live on the second floor or higher in a place with a security door.
Joke as I may about Peeping Toms, my real fear is that I might look out my window and see my father looking in at me. It only happened on and that was in 1992. As a college freshman, I fouled up setting up my phone. We had outgoing only data lines at the time which weren't labeled in my room anyway. After a week of not being able to reach me, he showed up at the window right above my bed. He was being paranoid but I can't exactly throw stones.
The truth is that my house has so much trash that needs to be taken out on the Appalachian trail hike to the dumpster that I might get a ticket for fire code violations or something. In that moment of terror for my life, I chose keeping my problems visually concealed over having my life protected. I can even examine this further. If a cop wrote me a summons to appear before a judge, I might find some way to benefit from it. The cop and the judge would both see the extent of my disability and a door to some help might open up. The (completely made up) "Christian Fund for Helping Shut-Ins Move Their Trash Past Where They Can Walk" might appear and improve my life considerably. Sure, there would be questions about why Melissa feels so awful that she needs to take naps of varying length after work. These are not voluntary naps when they happen but are more of a collapse from exhaustion. Yes, she has a doctor appointment scheduled about this and the bloodwork is done.. The previous appointment or two was/were canceled on account of a sick doctor.
However, I am terrified that the system will share my father's opinions on me and resort to a straw man argument that I believe I should be resolved of all blame..Just thinking about the potential conflict is making me twitch violently. Melissa felt she had to call me from work while she was at dinner because she could tell I was down. I appreciated it a whole lot and was able to sleep some afterward. That ended when Madeline decided that she was hungry. I would have fed her on time except that we were out of food. I what what's going to happen. My sweet baby cat will slip up one day and yowl out, "Feed me Seymour! I'm Hongry!"
Saturday, November 7, 2015
She Takes Care of Me When She Can
I'm sitting here at my desk posting one political entry then writing and posting another, shorter one. Don't worry that it's going to be all politics all of the time because my brain might explode. (Every time I write something like that about how I feel after too much concentration, I wonder when it will happen literally.) While writing and making up for time lost to technical issues last night, I have been nursing tiny pieces of one of the world's great chocolate bars. I have loved Hershey's "Special Dark" mildly sweet chocolate since the first time my father let me try a bite of his.
As I sat here letting each tiny piece melt into my mouth, I thought of my beloved Wifey. She bought me the "Special Dark" bar and the almost as good "Krackle" bar as a small wedding anniversary gift. She bought me my two favorite chocolate bars but didn't deliver them on our actual anniversary. I can't be absolutely sure but I believe that I was in bad shape that day. It was less than a week after my most recent pain doc appointment so I was suffering from that. At some point afterward, several more teeth broke off leaving me in howling agony. Her trip out to get me whiskey probably saved my sanity. Her acceptance of my desperate methods kept me from spiraling down into guilt about it.
Now, we find ourselves in a situation that must be handled carefully. (Oh, thank God! I just realized that one entire wing of this crisis was simply a remembered nightmare. No matter how poorly we've gotten along, I'd never be happy to see my parents dead. Stupid nightmares are so impossibly realistic!) On top of the precarious situation, I found myself looking at a nightmare scenario. We had essentially no food and I had no whiskey plus the weather forecast is a weekend of cold weather and rain after our mini-heat wave. I was going to spend a few days in horrible agony while also hungry and everything my imagination could cook up.
I brought up this nightmare scenario to my beloved last night to prepare her for everything she might hear. That's when she told me that she saw this coming while I was still crushed by the last bout. She bought me what I needed when she got my medicine last week. The pharmacy and insurance company combined to make sure that I was short one day on my super-dangerous narcotic. The insurance company decided that my 28 day screipt couldn't be filled until the day I would run out. My beloved wifey had to work from before the location I'm permitted to use opened for the day until after they closed. All I could do was ration the medicine and so it worked out alright but there was residual pain.
Two days later, she saw this crisis coming and bought me whiskey that she kept hidden in the car. Now, I don't drink every day though it might seem that way so a couple of days without any is nothing to worry about in decent weather. When I'm stressed like I am over our big problem, I would be tempted to have a drink to help me sleep in the morning but it was out of sight/out of mind. She knew all of this and knew how badly I'd react to a cold and rainy Saturday.
For too many reasons to state, she is simply the best and I'm so lucky to have her.
As I sat here letting each tiny piece melt into my mouth, I thought of my beloved Wifey. She bought me the "Special Dark" bar and the almost as good "Krackle" bar as a small wedding anniversary gift. She bought me my two favorite chocolate bars but didn't deliver them on our actual anniversary. I can't be absolutely sure but I believe that I was in bad shape that day. It was less than a week after my most recent pain doc appointment so I was suffering from that. At some point afterward, several more teeth broke off leaving me in howling agony. Her trip out to get me whiskey probably saved my sanity. Her acceptance of my desperate methods kept me from spiraling down into guilt about it.
Now, we find ourselves in a situation that must be handled carefully. (Oh, thank God! I just realized that one entire wing of this crisis was simply a remembered nightmare. No matter how poorly we've gotten along, I'd never be happy to see my parents dead. Stupid nightmares are so impossibly realistic!) On top of the precarious situation, I found myself looking at a nightmare scenario. We had essentially no food and I had no whiskey plus the weather forecast is a weekend of cold weather and rain after our mini-heat wave. I was going to spend a few days in horrible agony while also hungry and everything my imagination could cook up.
I brought up this nightmare scenario to my beloved last night to prepare her for everything she might hear. That's when she told me that she saw this coming while I was still crushed by the last bout. She bought me what I needed when she got my medicine last week. The pharmacy and insurance company combined to make sure that I was short one day on my super-dangerous narcotic. The insurance company decided that my 28 day screipt couldn't be filled until the day I would run out. My beloved wifey had to work from before the location I'm permitted to use opened for the day until after they closed. All I could do was ration the medicine and so it worked out alright but there was residual pain.
Two days later, she saw this crisis coming and bought me whiskey that she kept hidden in the car. Now, I don't drink every day though it might seem that way so a couple of days without any is nothing to worry about in decent weather. When I'm stressed like I am over our big problem, I would be tempted to have a drink to help me sleep in the morning but it was out of sight/out of mind. She knew all of this and knew how badly I'd react to a cold and rainy Saturday.
For too many reasons to state, she is simply the best and I'm so lucky to have her.
The Democratic "First in the South" Forum
I went into watching this forum as a Hillary Clinton supporter and I came out of it as...a Hillary Clinton supporter. These are just a few thoughts I had while watching the forum. First of all, Rachel Maddow was a different sort of moderator. All three candidates dodged her questions and she made specific note of it to all three of them. I suspect that the Republican field would have been crying after this awful treatment.
Former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley came off as a cross between a boxer desperate to knock an opponent out in the final round and an overly eager cartoon kid desperate to please his teacher. He didn't care if he knocked out Secretary Clinton, Senator Sanders or Rachel Maddow as long as he tagged someone. His constant flailing made his lack of anything different to say made me resent him. He refused to answer the question asked about his legacy which consisted of losing a lot of ground in his state to Republicans. A simple yes to the part about the party going on to lose after he was term limited would have allowed him to pivot to his preferred point. Instead, he flailed at Rachel.
Senator Bernie Sanders has been a sad story for me during this election cycle. He is a real character but most of what he shows you is rage. He will start off with an affable greeting but, mid-handshake, his upper lip starts to quiver and I can imagine spittle or froth forming at the edges. He answers every question with answers I tend to agree with but his hatred of his "billionaire class" is too plain on his face. He crystalized my biggest criticism of him with a criticism he made of Clinton. He accused her of having no backup plan and I realized that was what bothered me so much about him. I cannot see him fighting for his plan, having every Republican vote against him and then coming back looking for half a loaf. He strikes me as a bit of a fanatic and, yes, it takes one to know one. It would disqualify me for high office and I believe it does the same to him. Bernie has disappointed me.
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton came into the forum as my favorite but I didn't expect to be impressed. Boy was I pleasantly surprised! Clinton looked Presidential while also approachable and friendly. She dodged one or two of Rachel's questions but hid the dodges in flows of information. She declined to dive into the sewer to attack Trump when given the chance. Her two giant advantages came across as natural phenomonon: her great experience gained from a lifetime of public service and the frontrunner's ability to stay above the fray. It was beautiful.
Former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley came off as a cross between a boxer desperate to knock an opponent out in the final round and an overly eager cartoon kid desperate to please his teacher. He didn't care if he knocked out Secretary Clinton, Senator Sanders or Rachel Maddow as long as he tagged someone. His constant flailing made his lack of anything different to say made me resent him. He refused to answer the question asked about his legacy which consisted of losing a lot of ground in his state to Republicans. A simple yes to the part about the party going on to lose after he was term limited would have allowed him to pivot to his preferred point. Instead, he flailed at Rachel.
Senator Bernie Sanders has been a sad story for me during this election cycle. He is a real character but most of what he shows you is rage. He will start off with an affable greeting but, mid-handshake, his upper lip starts to quiver and I can imagine spittle or froth forming at the edges. He answers every question with answers I tend to agree with but his hatred of his "billionaire class" is too plain on his face. He crystalized my biggest criticism of him with a criticism he made of Clinton. He accused her of having no backup plan and I realized that was what bothered me so much about him. I cannot see him fighting for his plan, having every Republican vote against him and then coming back looking for half a loaf. He strikes me as a bit of a fanatic and, yes, it takes one to know one. It would disqualify me for high office and I believe it does the same to him. Bernie has disappointed me.
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton came into the forum as my favorite but I didn't expect to be impressed. Boy was I pleasantly surprised! Clinton looked Presidential while also approachable and friendly. She dodged one or two of Rachel's questions but hid the dodges in flows of information. She declined to dive into the sewer to attack Trump when given the chance. Her two giant advantages came across as natural phenomonon: her great experience gained from a lifetime of public service and the frontrunner's ability to stay above the fray. It was beautiful.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Still Flipping Out
I'm still upset about all the bad things that are happening to my country. A Republican devoted to little more than collapsing what few government services that exist in Kentucky has been elected governor. This is the state where kids are trying to live on five or ten federally funded meals per week. That's the federal program providing free breakfast and/or lunch to kids each day during the school year. Presuming that their parents have the usual drive to preserve and protect the next generation, you have to wonder how badly the parents are suffering.
There was a profile on TV about a volunteer program where people donated food and time to send as many of these suffering kids as possible home with a nutritious meal for the weekend. Let's just say that someone misspoke or a heard wrong and that is one meal per weekend day. During school vacations and the summer, these wonderful selfless souls provide meals for those same kids every day. They don't get as far because federal funding for social programs is always getting cut. There's no way that "family values" conservatives would vote to protect children from starvation.
Now, one of those guys numbering among the worst of the worst is governor-elect. You can forget about any state funds beings appropriated to help the poor kids and their suffering parents. All that money is needed to pretend that the federal government and not simple economics is sinking the coal miners. The rich company presidents and stockholders continue to make a killing. The main difference will be that children with lung problems won't be able to see a doctor until the people get their heads out of the sand and realize that Kynect = Obamacare = the Affordable Care Act. You can bet the Republicans won't be spending any money making that people know that!
Okay. That's enough about the Republicans. Well, it isn't enough but I do hope to sleep eventually. My real anger is reserved for the Democratic Party since the Republicans can't actually disappoint me. Kentucky had 30% turnout statewide in a year with their governor's mansion up for grabs. The Democratic Party loses midterm and odd year elections for financial reasons. There is too much attention paid to the White House if the state parties are left to rot in comparison and they are. If, like me, you are getting endless letters from the DNC begging for money, you have a right to feel fed up. If, unlike me, you have some money to invest in the future of our government, give directly to your state and local parties.
Former Governor Dean of Vermont actually explained the "50 state strategy" he espoused during his term as DNC chair. Under Chairman Dean, the DNC provided each state with the funds to hire and train a small professional political staff. Each state would be responsible for training its own staff with these funds but that was a benefit. Obviously, strategies used in small rural states might be ineffective in large urban areas. Unfortunately, Dean's long term broad strategy was tossed aside with the election of President Obama and those who rode his coattails if not before that. The White House is one of those political operations that can use every political dollar that comes its way.
It seems to make sense because President Obama is such an effective messenger with a great message. Unfortunately, half the country became deranged at his election. Then Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell declared that his number one policy objective was defeating the President. The monolithic Republican minorities in both the House and Senate obstructed the President every step of the way while Democrats were free to vote their consciences. This led to enough Democratic defections to dilute the Senate supermajority we held so briefly. Why? When polled time after time, the right wanted ideological purity while the left asked for compromise. My own rep and Senators love to send out emails bragging about "reaching across the aisle." I wonder how much the price of Bactine went up with all those biting and stabbing wounds.
No, you can stop even a great President from carrying out his agenda with a 50 state strategy. What does the money go to in the states? There is no such thing as a cheap race anymore. In states with the new draconian anti-voting laws, you could put gas in cars, buses and vans to bring minorities, the disabled and the elderly to these obscure places where the new IDs can be obtained. You can rent the office space where the volunteers make their voter contacts. Unless they're highly motivated like I am, it's been shown that voters may require six or eight separate contacts over two years to turn out reliably. That includes things like direct mail, doorhanging, door knocking, neighbor to neighbor persuasion and the ubiquitous phone calls asking you to vote. On a bad weather Election Day, some of those funds can go to digging out the polling places or for the purchase of umbrellas to help protect our more vulnerable voters.
I'm just using some common sense here. Trained staffs could accomplish so much more. They did so for President Obama and they will work 50 different ways in the states.
There was a profile on TV about a volunteer program where people donated food and time to send as many of these suffering kids as possible home with a nutritious meal for the weekend. Let's just say that someone misspoke or a heard wrong and that is one meal per weekend day. During school vacations and the summer, these wonderful selfless souls provide meals for those same kids every day. They don't get as far because federal funding for social programs is always getting cut. There's no way that "family values" conservatives would vote to protect children from starvation.
Now, one of those guys numbering among the worst of the worst is governor-elect. You can forget about any state funds beings appropriated to help the poor kids and their suffering parents. All that money is needed to pretend that the federal government and not simple economics is sinking the coal miners. The rich company presidents and stockholders continue to make a killing. The main difference will be that children with lung problems won't be able to see a doctor until the people get their heads out of the sand and realize that Kynect = Obamacare = the Affordable Care Act. You can bet the Republicans won't be spending any money making that people know that!
Okay. That's enough about the Republicans. Well, it isn't enough but I do hope to sleep eventually. My real anger is reserved for the Democratic Party since the Republicans can't actually disappoint me. Kentucky had 30% turnout statewide in a year with their governor's mansion up for grabs. The Democratic Party loses midterm and odd year elections for financial reasons. There is too much attention paid to the White House if the state parties are left to rot in comparison and they are. If, like me, you are getting endless letters from the DNC begging for money, you have a right to feel fed up. If, unlike me, you have some money to invest in the future of our government, give directly to your state and local parties.
Former Governor Dean of Vermont actually explained the "50 state strategy" he espoused during his term as DNC chair. Under Chairman Dean, the DNC provided each state with the funds to hire and train a small professional political staff. Each state would be responsible for training its own staff with these funds but that was a benefit. Obviously, strategies used in small rural states might be ineffective in large urban areas. Unfortunately, Dean's long term broad strategy was tossed aside with the election of President Obama and those who rode his coattails if not before that. The White House is one of those political operations that can use every political dollar that comes its way.
It seems to make sense because President Obama is such an effective messenger with a great message. Unfortunately, half the country became deranged at his election. Then Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell declared that his number one policy objective was defeating the President. The monolithic Republican minorities in both the House and Senate obstructed the President every step of the way while Democrats were free to vote their consciences. This led to enough Democratic defections to dilute the Senate supermajority we held so briefly. Why? When polled time after time, the right wanted ideological purity while the left asked for compromise. My own rep and Senators love to send out emails bragging about "reaching across the aisle." I wonder how much the price of Bactine went up with all those biting and stabbing wounds.
No, you can stop even a great President from carrying out his agenda with a 50 state strategy. What does the money go to in the states? There is no such thing as a cheap race anymore. In states with the new draconian anti-voting laws, you could put gas in cars, buses and vans to bring minorities, the disabled and the elderly to these obscure places where the new IDs can be obtained. You can rent the office space where the volunteers make their voter contacts. Unless they're highly motivated like I am, it's been shown that voters may require six or eight separate contacts over two years to turn out reliably. That includes things like direct mail, doorhanging, door knocking, neighbor to neighbor persuasion and the ubiquitous phone calls asking you to vote. On a bad weather Election Day, some of those funds can go to digging out the polling places or for the purchase of umbrellas to help protect our more vulnerable voters.
I'm just using some common sense here. Trained staffs could accomplish so much more. They did so for President Obama and they will work 50 different ways in the states.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Despair Is Tugging At My Ankles
Maybe it will feel better in the morning. I don't know about that but I do know that I won't make the decision to give in. Some people think that this makes me weird but I've drawn a lot of inspiration from Stephen R. Donaldson's work with the Covenant books being the most inspiring of all. I tell myself that I can be proud of myself as long as I don't give in to despair and destroy what I love out of the misguided belief that it would be for the best. No suicide even if I think it would help Melissa because it wouldn't work out that way and I would remove all of my potential for doing some good at the same time. In the books, Donaldson refers to this as desecration with suicide being self desecration which is the worst.
The problem (heh...one problem) is that there are many other things I could be doing wrong by sabotaging myself. Where is the line separating an honest failure to apply resources properly from failing to try? When I look at others in similar situations, I see only people who couldn't do it. They tried to make their move and failed. There's nothing wrong with that. In my case, I fall apart trying to talk about important business on the phone. Melissa does much better but her scheduling calendar has two categoriesL work and sleep. She hasn't had time to help so the problem sits and festers.
Every once in a while, there's a bit of bad news that probably has nothing to do with me. There's no direct connection anyway so that lacking allows the news to sneak up on me. This time, it was a mortality statistic involving white middle aged men. While everyone else is living longer, men in a cohort with a range of 44 to whatever number of years old are dying younger. Let's just pretend that you care and asked about the link to me. Well, the conclusion of this study is these men are dying from pain medication. The news reports went on to cite certain prescriptions that I know are less dangerous than the ones I'm on.
As the usually very intelligent host listed statistics, I tried to place them in context and failed horribly to comfort myself. I take my medication according to the prescriptions. That gives me a considerable amount of protection, of course, so I started to feel better about risky medication. I had one of my little ten second nightmares featuring my doctors taking me off my main pain medication. The doctor who owns the practice offered me a dream apology in that authoritative but not accusatory tone that has gotten us through a crisis oe or a dispute that turned out to be a misunderstanding.
The apology was over having to take me off all my effective pain meds and putting me back on over the counter meds. He explained that it was about "the government" but I understood the dream shorthand. Kids who were trying to get high on their parents' medication were dying. Since their parents refused to be responsible and lock away their meds, I had to give up mine. I was too horrified to react in that dream paralysis. My ultimate fear isn't dying from some unlikely overdose. I fear being left to die very slowly in agony over the course of years. I considered reaching out to a smuggler but the entire station was under a medical embargo. (Somehow, the dream relocated me to "Babylon 5" but I'm just realizing that 12 hours later.) I was left with no alternatives since I was being punished for someone else's crime.
Now, as a liberal Democrat, I am very quick to embrace complexity. People are dying and the fact that many of them were dying from behaving foolishly doesn't matter to me. Well, I suppose it matters some but not as much as it does with others. My difficulty trusting myself has led me to a lot of questions starting with "What if I am an addict and don't know it..." but I've gotten better about suppressing that fear these days. My favorite shrink trusts me as do my medical doctors. Try to protect the sick with addiction folks along with the just plain foolish enough to try getting high once or twice but not at the expense of my suffering.
Governor Christie had some sort of small campaign event about drug addiction within the past few days where he said some sensible things. When a guy like that starts talking sense, you know he's up to something. I don't mean anything illegal or even dishonest per se. It might even make sense in his head but I can all but guarantee you that alternatives to prison for drug offenders will turn into a ban on another whole class of useful medications that can be misused. When that happens, despair will have me by the throat instead of the ankle.
Am I being hypocritical with regard to this versus my positions concerning gun control? That started off as a tough one but I came to the fundamental flaw in the hypocrisy argument. Narcotic medication is not designed to kill people whereas assault rifles and handguns are designed with lethal force against other humans as their primary function. That gives me a leg to stand on in any case.
My arguments may be decent but the outlook for this nation isn't. The Republicans have started up on "entitlement reform" again which is code for hurting those of us who need Social Security or Social Security Disability for most or all of our income. The last trick involved an attempt to combine the two major Social Security programs so that the disabled and the elderly would have to fight it out over the same dollars. This is a tricky little move because it takes advantage of voting patterns and human nature.
Do I believe that the elderly are out to starve the disabled? That's a complicated question because there's more to it than meets the eye. I do not believe that any single senior citizen would take one dollar away from me. Generally, I believe that individuals are honest but there will be plenty of dog whistles and lines between the lines. Think of how dishonest Social Security related ads are already. Every five minutes or so, some Republican politician will claim that Social Security is going to be insolvent because more money will be coming out of the system than going in for a certain amount of time. Back in the early 80s, payroll taxes were increased to help finance the Reagan tax cuts for the rich. In return, those extra payroll taxes represented a guarantee in the law stating that full benefits would be paid out even at the cost of raising income taxes. Since then, we've been bombarded with nonsense about how the Treasury has mere IOUs and scraps of paper to cover the Baby Boomers. No, we have the full faith and credit of the United States government backing those notes.
Now, I can only imagine what the Sunday shows and certain "news" channels will tell us. I can just see the sweet old actors telling you to call Congress to protect your Social Security. We can expect instances of "protect your Social Security by betting on the stock market" to return. Since elderly voters show up in greater numbers on Election Day than disabled people, our representatives will favor the elderly over the disabled in the zero sum game they will have rigged.
Yes, I saw a feature on increased mortality for middle aged white men that blamed narcotic medication but then I saw another that suggested the cause and effect was backwards in the initial report. The increase in white male mortality happened to follow shortly after the economic collapse under Bush. The increase in mortality followed the group that lost the most jobs and the most wealth: non-college educated white men. (Minorities and women suffered a lot as well but the white men had the furthest to fall.) The deaths are just as attributable to alcohol overdoses and obvious suicides as to Chris Christie's formerly rich lawyer friend hurting his back while living the ideal life and then losing it all due to getting addicted while recovering from what might have only seemed like a lot of pain to someone who doesn't experience it every day.
I didn't feel better in the morning. If the anti-medication crowd gets its way, it will be much more than a ten second nightmare for me.
The problem (heh...one problem) is that there are many other things I could be doing wrong by sabotaging myself. Where is the line separating an honest failure to apply resources properly from failing to try? When I look at others in similar situations, I see only people who couldn't do it. They tried to make their move and failed. There's nothing wrong with that. In my case, I fall apart trying to talk about important business on the phone. Melissa does much better but her scheduling calendar has two categoriesL work and sleep. She hasn't had time to help so the problem sits and festers.
Every once in a while, there's a bit of bad news that probably has nothing to do with me. There's no direct connection anyway so that lacking allows the news to sneak up on me. This time, it was a mortality statistic involving white middle aged men. While everyone else is living longer, men in a cohort with a range of 44 to whatever number of years old are dying younger. Let's just pretend that you care and asked about the link to me. Well, the conclusion of this study is these men are dying from pain medication. The news reports went on to cite certain prescriptions that I know are less dangerous than the ones I'm on.
As the usually very intelligent host listed statistics, I tried to place them in context and failed horribly to comfort myself. I take my medication according to the prescriptions. That gives me a considerable amount of protection, of course, so I started to feel better about risky medication. I had one of my little ten second nightmares featuring my doctors taking me off my main pain medication. The doctor who owns the practice offered me a dream apology in that authoritative but not accusatory tone that has gotten us through a crisis oe or a dispute that turned out to be a misunderstanding.
The apology was over having to take me off all my effective pain meds and putting me back on over the counter meds. He explained that it was about "the government" but I understood the dream shorthand. Kids who were trying to get high on their parents' medication were dying. Since their parents refused to be responsible and lock away their meds, I had to give up mine. I was too horrified to react in that dream paralysis. My ultimate fear isn't dying from some unlikely overdose. I fear being left to die very slowly in agony over the course of years. I considered reaching out to a smuggler but the entire station was under a medical embargo. (Somehow, the dream relocated me to "Babylon 5" but I'm just realizing that 12 hours later.) I was left with no alternatives since I was being punished for someone else's crime.
Now, as a liberal Democrat, I am very quick to embrace complexity. People are dying and the fact that many of them were dying from behaving foolishly doesn't matter to me. Well, I suppose it matters some but not as much as it does with others. My difficulty trusting myself has led me to a lot of questions starting with "What if I am an addict and don't know it..." but I've gotten better about suppressing that fear these days. My favorite shrink trusts me as do my medical doctors. Try to protect the sick with addiction folks along with the just plain foolish enough to try getting high once or twice but not at the expense of my suffering.
Governor Christie had some sort of small campaign event about drug addiction within the past few days where he said some sensible things. When a guy like that starts talking sense, you know he's up to something. I don't mean anything illegal or even dishonest per se. It might even make sense in his head but I can all but guarantee you that alternatives to prison for drug offenders will turn into a ban on another whole class of useful medications that can be misused. When that happens, despair will have me by the throat instead of the ankle.
Am I being hypocritical with regard to this versus my positions concerning gun control? That started off as a tough one but I came to the fundamental flaw in the hypocrisy argument. Narcotic medication is not designed to kill people whereas assault rifles and handguns are designed with lethal force against other humans as their primary function. That gives me a leg to stand on in any case.
My arguments may be decent but the outlook for this nation isn't. The Republicans have started up on "entitlement reform" again which is code for hurting those of us who need Social Security or Social Security Disability for most or all of our income. The last trick involved an attempt to combine the two major Social Security programs so that the disabled and the elderly would have to fight it out over the same dollars. This is a tricky little move because it takes advantage of voting patterns and human nature.
Do I believe that the elderly are out to starve the disabled? That's a complicated question because there's more to it than meets the eye. I do not believe that any single senior citizen would take one dollar away from me. Generally, I believe that individuals are honest but there will be plenty of dog whistles and lines between the lines. Think of how dishonest Social Security related ads are already. Every five minutes or so, some Republican politician will claim that Social Security is going to be insolvent because more money will be coming out of the system than going in for a certain amount of time. Back in the early 80s, payroll taxes were increased to help finance the Reagan tax cuts for the rich. In return, those extra payroll taxes represented a guarantee in the law stating that full benefits would be paid out even at the cost of raising income taxes. Since then, we've been bombarded with nonsense about how the Treasury has mere IOUs and scraps of paper to cover the Baby Boomers. No, we have the full faith and credit of the United States government backing those notes.
Now, I can only imagine what the Sunday shows and certain "news" channels will tell us. I can just see the sweet old actors telling you to call Congress to protect your Social Security. We can expect instances of "protect your Social Security by betting on the stock market" to return. Since elderly voters show up in greater numbers on Election Day than disabled people, our representatives will favor the elderly over the disabled in the zero sum game they will have rigged.
Yes, I saw a feature on increased mortality for middle aged white men that blamed narcotic medication but then I saw another that suggested the cause and effect was backwards in the initial report. The increase in white male mortality happened to follow shortly after the economic collapse under Bush. The increase in mortality followed the group that lost the most jobs and the most wealth: non-college educated white men. (Minorities and women suffered a lot as well but the white men had the furthest to fall.) The deaths are just as attributable to alcohol overdoses and obvious suicides as to Chris Christie's formerly rich lawyer friend hurting his back while living the ideal life and then losing it all due to getting addicted while recovering from what might have only seemed like a lot of pain to someone who doesn't experience it every day.
I didn't feel better in the morning. If the anti-medication crowd gets its way, it will be much more than a ten second nightmare for me.
Monday, November 2, 2015
I Learned to Like Mondays
Late this evening or early this morning, I felt utterly deprived of rest. I had listed my many ways of staying happy despite the grind of a life in constant pain. With most of my teeth broken, I had learned new degrees of pain that should have left the old ones in the dust. Unfortunately, Fall has arrived and, like Spring, it is an "in between season" that deprives me of energy and aggravates my arthritis and fibromyalgia. I find myself in need of money for living expenses, medicine, money for bills and in need of a bottle of whiskey to make the pain go away.
In terms of helpless feelings, it made me think of returning to school on Monday morning after a dissastisfying weekend. By chance, the Boomtown Rats' song, "I Don't Like Mondays" played on the New Wave Music Channel and I remembered things in amazing clarity. While I never learned to like Monday mornings very much, Mondays after I boarded the school bus or got behind the wheel of a car became a different story. There came a point when I'd been fed up with helplessness and Mondays became the days on which I came back into precious conspiracies of friendship.
Things were terrible at home and things were just about as bad with my peers in school when I met an angel as in a metaphorical messenger of God. After rough weekeends when I doubted any given reason for living on, I looked forward to seeing her because I would feel better. Strangely, I was never attracted to her but only to the feeling of relief gained from her wise counsel, her ability to grant healing and just one of room light smiles. Much later, I learned of others with this quality known as charisma. I never did stop thinking of her as an angel and as a good person destined for great things.
Not surprisingly, my imagination offered exotic career paths for her and yet I thought of her only rarely during that wonderful and exciting period of my life that led me to meet Melissa. That changed when I got sick with Chiari. The present is painful and draining and it's difficult to see where I do any good. I believe that I was reacting pretty naturally when I wished to escape into my past and I devoted the occasional hour to doing so. If only I found a way to contact her, I would explain how she was so important to my life. When I had expressed that, I would see if there was a tiny bit of room to share in our lives.
When I managed to make contact against considerable odds, she didn't know how to react. Of course, I should have predicted it all. Since she was never the type to think too highly of herself, my praise struck her as weird. Of course, I used the metaphor of older sister instead of angel because I didn't want to frighten her with excessively high praise. I find nothing excessive about it since so many do the Lord's work even if they are not believers but I withheld it anyway to attempt a comfort level.
I didn't realize that her essential discomfort was so like mine. I got sick from something you almost never get better from when I was 25 and I remain sick. One of my coping mechanisms is to avoid dwelling on the implications of being 40-something. No! I'm still 25, there is a cure for Chiari and, while I'm in denial land, I'm still on the verge of achieving great things.This version of me never learned that "I Don't Like Mondays" was a song expressing the horror and confusion of school shootings all the way back in the early 80s. This imaginary younger me is escapism but it's better than hoping I'll get some whiskey before the next time my pain gets out of control.
I blame the brain damage but she came right out and told me that she doesn't like to think about having a kid. In her case, I can imagine why since she has achieved so much that I never anticipated. Obviously, I expected her to find her someone but she has remained an activist who leads by example instead of just advising others. She made choices along the way and choice always leads to pondering the other option no matter how unseriously. I don't know what that's like because I met Melissa, started to believe myself, got married and then had all choice taken from me by Chiari. That was my last decision and it was a good one.
Anyway, my curiosity made me ignore one stark fact. There was no room in her very full life for me and this was okay. I promised myself long ago that I would walk away when I realized the truth. I've realized it so now I shall. Farewell, old friend. Obviously, I would offer any aid you required that was within my power but I don't have much these days. Needless to say, I won't be looking for some excuse to "help." I gave up that vice decades ago. Farewell.
Of course, I do still like Mondays and the possibilities that they imply. That was a wonderful gift from an angel decades ago.
In terms of helpless feelings, it made me think of returning to school on Monday morning after a dissastisfying weekend. By chance, the Boomtown Rats' song, "I Don't Like Mondays" played on the New Wave Music Channel and I remembered things in amazing clarity. While I never learned to like Monday mornings very much, Mondays after I boarded the school bus or got behind the wheel of a car became a different story. There came a point when I'd been fed up with helplessness and Mondays became the days on which I came back into precious conspiracies of friendship.
Things were terrible at home and things were just about as bad with my peers in school when I met an angel as in a metaphorical messenger of God. After rough weekeends when I doubted any given reason for living on, I looked forward to seeing her because I would feel better. Strangely, I was never attracted to her but only to the feeling of relief gained from her wise counsel, her ability to grant healing and just one of room light smiles. Much later, I learned of others with this quality known as charisma. I never did stop thinking of her as an angel and as a good person destined for great things.
Not surprisingly, my imagination offered exotic career paths for her and yet I thought of her only rarely during that wonderful and exciting period of my life that led me to meet Melissa. That changed when I got sick with Chiari. The present is painful and draining and it's difficult to see where I do any good. I believe that I was reacting pretty naturally when I wished to escape into my past and I devoted the occasional hour to doing so. If only I found a way to contact her, I would explain how she was so important to my life. When I had expressed that, I would see if there was a tiny bit of room to share in our lives.
When I managed to make contact against considerable odds, she didn't know how to react. Of course, I should have predicted it all. Since she was never the type to think too highly of herself, my praise struck her as weird. Of course, I used the metaphor of older sister instead of angel because I didn't want to frighten her with excessively high praise. I find nothing excessive about it since so many do the Lord's work even if they are not believers but I withheld it anyway to attempt a comfort level.
I didn't realize that her essential discomfort was so like mine. I got sick from something you almost never get better from when I was 25 and I remain sick. One of my coping mechanisms is to avoid dwelling on the implications of being 40-something. No! I'm still 25, there is a cure for Chiari and, while I'm in denial land, I'm still on the verge of achieving great things.This version of me never learned that "I Don't Like Mondays" was a song expressing the horror and confusion of school shootings all the way back in the early 80s. This imaginary younger me is escapism but it's better than hoping I'll get some whiskey before the next time my pain gets out of control.
I blame the brain damage but she came right out and told me that she doesn't like to think about having a kid. In her case, I can imagine why since she has achieved so much that I never anticipated. Obviously, I expected her to find her someone but she has remained an activist who leads by example instead of just advising others. She made choices along the way and choice always leads to pondering the other option no matter how unseriously. I don't know what that's like because I met Melissa, started to believe myself, got married and then had all choice taken from me by Chiari. That was my last decision and it was a good one.
Anyway, my curiosity made me ignore one stark fact. There was no room in her very full life for me and this was okay. I promised myself long ago that I would walk away when I realized the truth. I've realized it so now I shall. Farewell, old friend. Obviously, I would offer any aid you required that was within my power but I don't have much these days. Needless to say, I won't be looking for some excuse to "help." I gave up that vice decades ago. Farewell.
Of course, I do still like Mondays and the possibilities that they imply. That was a wonderful gift from an angel decades ago.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
The Silence
Silence was something that meant extreme discomfort to me before I
got sick. Now, I realize how many different types of silence there just
might be. I don't plan on learning them all but too much noise causes me
agony so those who care the most generally try to err on the side of
silence. Generally, I prefer a light silence punctuated by occasional
quiet speech. Better yet, I like a nice bit of music in the background
that is Pearl Jam more often than not but might also be Schubert or
Beethoven.
Unfortunately, this level of noise is very fragile. Melissa doesn't complain about how my disabilities affect her so I won't complain about how her hearing affects me. Let's just say that she went to a few hard rock concerts before she learned to consider the idea of ear plugs. After all, she was going to the concert to experience the loud music, which neurologists have described as producing a euphoric effect of its own, beyond the experience of the specific band. I am a lyrics sort of guy. If a song has a melody pleasant to my ears and lyrics that touch me in some way, I'm going to enjoy it. Therefore, sexually supercharged heavy metal lyrics do very little for me. I learned to enjoy the music because Melissa has loved it for so long. Hopefully, you can understand why very little in the way of rap or hip hop appeals to me melodically or lyrically. Then again, I do find some "beats" interesting with the way a complex enough beat can approach a melody.
I didn't bring up Melissa's hearing as a complaint. The fact is that I have very good and unfortunately fragile hearing. We've long since worked out some of the conflicts involved. When she comes home, I will likely have music playing or the TV running at the minimum enjoyable volume. Our dear babies will rush off to greet her noisily and attempt to convince her that they haven't been fed. Just the noise of the door opening and someone walking around feels violent. What was once music or a TV show feels like more chaos because I can't hear it well enough to follow it. Usually, I turn it off until I'm used to the noises of having another human being around. I don't know everything that Melissa does but she makes the transition easier for both of us.
Some silences are never anything but sad. I just read a semi-reliable source reporting that Sylvester Stallone is dead. Hopefully, I'll read otherwise somewhere before publishing but I doubt even TMZ would foul this one up. I know that the Rocky movies don't count as fine cinema where most people are concerned but I liked them. There was something about a movie where you knew that the good guy was going to take his beating and then get up and win. It made it easier for a few hours to get up after my metaphorical beatings. Maybe it was easier to get up from them overall.
Far too many people thought of him as a dumb guy because of the way he spoke but that was a disability. The man overcame disability in all its aspects to become rich and famous. Overcoming disability isn't just a matter of getting over the physical barriers. People looked at him differently and looked down on him as a first impulse. It takes guts to go out and deal with life knowing this ahead of time. Personally, I thought his manner of speaking was something learned for the role of playing a boxer who had been hit in the head too many times so I never thought to look down on him.
In any case, I admired Stallone even if just a bit for showing us how it's done. Now he's gone in a flurry of icons that are leaving this world. Rest in peace, Mister Stallone. You did good, kid!
Late update: It was a prank. I'm glad that we've been spared another death.
Unfortunately, this level of noise is very fragile. Melissa doesn't complain about how my disabilities affect her so I won't complain about how her hearing affects me. Let's just say that she went to a few hard rock concerts before she learned to consider the idea of ear plugs. After all, she was going to the concert to experience the loud music, which neurologists have described as producing a euphoric effect of its own, beyond the experience of the specific band. I am a lyrics sort of guy. If a song has a melody pleasant to my ears and lyrics that touch me in some way, I'm going to enjoy it. Therefore, sexually supercharged heavy metal lyrics do very little for me. I learned to enjoy the music because Melissa has loved it for so long. Hopefully, you can understand why very little in the way of rap or hip hop appeals to me melodically or lyrically. Then again, I do find some "beats" interesting with the way a complex enough beat can approach a melody.
I didn't bring up Melissa's hearing as a complaint. The fact is that I have very good and unfortunately fragile hearing. We've long since worked out some of the conflicts involved. When she comes home, I will likely have music playing or the TV running at the minimum enjoyable volume. Our dear babies will rush off to greet her noisily and attempt to convince her that they haven't been fed. Just the noise of the door opening and someone walking around feels violent. What was once music or a TV show feels like more chaos because I can't hear it well enough to follow it. Usually, I turn it off until I'm used to the noises of having another human being around. I don't know everything that Melissa does but she makes the transition easier for both of us.
Some silences are never anything but sad. I just read a semi-reliable source reporting that Sylvester Stallone is dead. Hopefully, I'll read otherwise somewhere before publishing but I doubt even TMZ would foul this one up. I know that the Rocky movies don't count as fine cinema where most people are concerned but I liked them. There was something about a movie where you knew that the good guy was going to take his beating and then get up and win. It made it easier for a few hours to get up after my metaphorical beatings. Maybe it was easier to get up from them overall.
Far too many people thought of him as a dumb guy because of the way he spoke but that was a disability. The man overcame disability in all its aspects to become rich and famous. Overcoming disability isn't just a matter of getting over the physical barriers. People looked at him differently and looked down on him as a first impulse. It takes guts to go out and deal with life knowing this ahead of time. Personally, I thought his manner of speaking was something learned for the role of playing a boxer who had been hit in the head too many times so I never thought to look down on him.
In any case, I admired Stallone even if just a bit for showing us how it's done. Now he's gone in a flurry of icons that are leaving this world. Rest in peace, Mister Stallone. You did good, kid!
Late update: It was a prank. I'm glad that we've been spared another death.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
An Electric Morning
When I woke this morning, - Honestly, I woke and it was morning! - I was full of ideas. The pain blog is serving its purpose in getting me the exposure that I want. Now, I miss the anything goes, no restrictions online journal format. Barometric Man is the name I should have chosen instead of Blahthings. I didn't have high hopes for the project that started off as my project to document a brief convalescence before I'd return to work and make lots of money in the Clinton economy with my computer skills. Of course, those skills were becoming obsolete just as I got sick.
You can expect to read a lot about politics whether local, national or even family. I'm a political animal and have been since I could talk. Once upon a time, I thought I had quite a future as a diplomat but then the teachers got tired of this precocious kid getting lippy with them trying to negotiate. It was a small taste of how I learned to deal with failure. If I could do anything if I put my mind to it, I wasn't putting my mind to enough things.
Right now, I've got my mind on getting out of some financial trouble and just a little bit on the Democratic Presidential Primaries. To the extent that I'm paying attention, I'd like to deal with this the way you would a collectible card game or maybe fantasy sports leagues. I would like to see Hillary Clinton get elected with Bernie Sanders' political priorities and see Joe Biden retire to some sort of special honorary title recognizing his decades of public service. Call him the President Emeritus or Presidential President Pro Tem.
We have a nearly ideal set of characteristics among our Presidential candidates this year. President Hillary Clinton has the political will, toughness and moxie to drive a set of priorities. They will not be pristine when pounded through Congress. Words like "sausage grinder" or "pounded" even do not make for original goals coming through intact much less pristine looking. As long as you move the policy ball forward to the goal line, I'm okay with tossing in a few bennies for the right. If a tax cut could deal with a major problem that I believe better served by a tax increase, you can cut that tax and I'd sign the bill myself.
Let me give you an example of a relatively small scale problem that should appall us all into action. An impoverished area in rural coal country has a large population of children who get subsidized school meals (breakfast and lunch) as their primary form of nutrition. Here's what I want. I want kids all over to be able to eat and not be hungry afterward at least three times a day over 365 days a year. Right now, if not for volunteers, these kids would not eat between lunch on Friday and breakfast on Monday. They eat only sporadic meals over the summer. Nevermind the effect on their education. These are suffering kids.
We're a rich nation overall. There is no argument for making kids suffer so that some line item in the budget gets checked off. I don't give a flying whatever coming out of my wherever (Thank you, Mister Trump and one best forgotten afternoon in college spent watching ...ummm... blue(?) movies for that image.) if we can fight two and a half wars somewhere, if children are suffering. I'm not anti-military. Soldiers, sailors and airmen protect this country from outside tyanny. How can the next generation of stealth weapons matter when our most likely potential foes are low tech and ready to fight a battle on their own turf where they have a huge head start in the hearts and minds battle while children are hungry.
Kenucky children going without good for long periods of time is something that I can wrap my head around. On the scale of the nation, this should be an easy problem to solve. The refugee crisis that has spawned from our misadventures in Iraq has killed thousands beyond the hundreds of thousands killed in the actual fighting. Why not kill a few birds with one stone while we're at it? Let's start by dropping ethnically appropriate MREs (meals ready to eat for the less militarily inclines) by the thousands into the areas where the fighting has died down and the problem is mostly lack of food. Our European allies are doing a decent job of taking in a lot of refugees but these people have been forced to travel through dangerous, lawless areas where their homes used to be only to arrive in some nations where they are abused by right wing gangs encouraged by anti-immigrant politicians.
Why are there not convoys of US Navy escorted ships (substitute other NATO nations where they would be more welcome) rescuing these refugees on the beaches of these horrible places? Why isn't there a process in place to get these people adequate food, water, shelter and medical care (and that includes vaccinations for those who fear disease riddden foreigners) to a place where they catch their breath for a few days? Let's follow Pope Francis in his call for Catholic families to take in at least one family per parish and extend the model outward even to the secular world.
We have too much unemployment in this country. Let's get some construction companies busy building starter houses and apartments to settle these people the right way. Once the new housing boom gets absorbed, it will most likely produce a second wave of building as these people will want shops and permanent homes in their new communities. We might even get enough momentum going to build a 21st century infrastructure built by current Americans and new Americans alike.
The solution might not look exactly like what I'm describing but I ask you to show me how our nation can lead the world through this new world crisis. There is truly no reason to believe that these people will be terrorists out of proportion with the ones who are already here. I'm talking about right wingers who are willing to murder their fellow Americans over good old fashioned bigotry and the bigots who support them. I fear those crazy bigots out there supplied by the NRA financers who realized that there was a decline in hunting starting with a decline in areas. Profits were to be found in military style firearms sold to a new market of domestic terrorists with names that are way too likely to have Constitution somewhere in their name.
I went a little far afield there but my goal is simple. I want to show how far afield those who wish to ignore starving children in their objections. Some say that we should ignore the foreigners who happen to be our fellow human beings. They claim that these different people hate us somehow no matter how good and pure we are. We have turned our backs or attempted to exploit the Middle Eastern people for centuries. It may take centuries for the bad rhetoric to go away .Yes, I am horrified by Arabs and Muslims committing mass murder. I am every bit as horrified by supposed Christians doing the the same thing.
Let us take steps in the right direction. Let's feed the kids in Kentucky and then let's try to live up to the words I can't remember but involve the world sending us their poor. Let's build things and build them now.
You can expect to read a lot about politics whether local, national or even family. I'm a political animal and have been since I could talk. Once upon a time, I thought I had quite a future as a diplomat but then the teachers got tired of this precocious kid getting lippy with them trying to negotiate. It was a small taste of how I learned to deal with failure. If I could do anything if I put my mind to it, I wasn't putting my mind to enough things.
Right now, I've got my mind on getting out of some financial trouble and just a little bit on the Democratic Presidential Primaries. To the extent that I'm paying attention, I'd like to deal with this the way you would a collectible card game or maybe fantasy sports leagues. I would like to see Hillary Clinton get elected with Bernie Sanders' political priorities and see Joe Biden retire to some sort of special honorary title recognizing his decades of public service. Call him the President Emeritus or Presidential President Pro Tem.
We have a nearly ideal set of characteristics among our Presidential candidates this year. President Hillary Clinton has the political will, toughness and moxie to drive a set of priorities. They will not be pristine when pounded through Congress. Words like "sausage grinder" or "pounded" even do not make for original goals coming through intact much less pristine looking. As long as you move the policy ball forward to the goal line, I'm okay with tossing in a few bennies for the right. If a tax cut could deal with a major problem that I believe better served by a tax increase, you can cut that tax and I'd sign the bill myself.
Let me give you an example of a relatively small scale problem that should appall us all into action. An impoverished area in rural coal country has a large population of children who get subsidized school meals (breakfast and lunch) as their primary form of nutrition. Here's what I want. I want kids all over to be able to eat and not be hungry afterward at least three times a day over 365 days a year. Right now, if not for volunteers, these kids would not eat between lunch on Friday and breakfast on Monday. They eat only sporadic meals over the summer. Nevermind the effect on their education. These are suffering kids.
We're a rich nation overall. There is no argument for making kids suffer so that some line item in the budget gets checked off. I don't give a flying whatever coming out of my wherever (Thank you, Mister Trump and one best forgotten afternoon in college spent watching ...ummm... blue(?) movies for that image.) if we can fight two and a half wars somewhere, if children are suffering. I'm not anti-military. Soldiers, sailors and airmen protect this country from outside tyanny. How can the next generation of stealth weapons matter when our most likely potential foes are low tech and ready to fight a battle on their own turf where they have a huge head start in the hearts and minds battle while children are hungry.
Kenucky children going without good for long periods of time is something that I can wrap my head around. On the scale of the nation, this should be an easy problem to solve. The refugee crisis that has spawned from our misadventures in Iraq has killed thousands beyond the hundreds of thousands killed in the actual fighting. Why not kill a few birds with one stone while we're at it? Let's start by dropping ethnically appropriate MREs (meals ready to eat for the less militarily inclines) by the thousands into the areas where the fighting has died down and the problem is mostly lack of food. Our European allies are doing a decent job of taking in a lot of refugees but these people have been forced to travel through dangerous, lawless areas where their homes used to be only to arrive in some nations where they are abused by right wing gangs encouraged by anti-immigrant politicians.
Why are there not convoys of US Navy escorted ships (substitute other NATO nations where they would be more welcome) rescuing these refugees on the beaches of these horrible places? Why isn't there a process in place to get these people adequate food, water, shelter and medical care (and that includes vaccinations for those who fear disease riddden foreigners) to a place where they catch their breath for a few days? Let's follow Pope Francis in his call for Catholic families to take in at least one family per parish and extend the model outward even to the secular world.
We have too much unemployment in this country. Let's get some construction companies busy building starter houses and apartments to settle these people the right way. Once the new housing boom gets absorbed, it will most likely produce a second wave of building as these people will want shops and permanent homes in their new communities. We might even get enough momentum going to build a 21st century infrastructure built by current Americans and new Americans alike.
The solution might not look exactly like what I'm describing but I ask you to show me how our nation can lead the world through this new world crisis. There is truly no reason to believe that these people will be terrorists out of proportion with the ones who are already here. I'm talking about right wingers who are willing to murder their fellow Americans over good old fashioned bigotry and the bigots who support them. I fear those crazy bigots out there supplied by the NRA financers who realized that there was a decline in hunting starting with a decline in areas. Profits were to be found in military style firearms sold to a new market of domestic terrorists with names that are way too likely to have Constitution somewhere in their name.
I went a little far afield there but my goal is simple. I want to show how far afield those who wish to ignore starving children in their objections. Some say that we should ignore the foreigners who happen to be our fellow human beings. They claim that these different people hate us somehow no matter how good and pure we are. We have turned our backs or attempted to exploit the Middle Eastern people for centuries. It may take centuries for the bad rhetoric to go away .Yes, I am horrified by Arabs and Muslims committing mass murder. I am every bit as horrified by supposed Christians doing the the same thing.
Let us take steps in the right direction. Let's feed the kids in Kentucky and then let's try to live up to the words I can't remember but involve the world sending us their poor. Let's build things and build them now.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Delaware's Joe Biden
I am a Delaware resident with the hope and sincere belief that, as such, I'm one of the many with a special tie to Vice President Joseph R. Biden. I'll be concise at first. Mister Vice President, please do not run for President of the United States again. While I believe that you would be a great President but getting there is a whole different story. We Delawareans do not have the political muscle to help push you into office. Our three mighty votes in the Electoral College do not exactly form the basis of a great political movemment. Even our small size has failed to present the advantages that it should.
You hear jokes all over the place about what life in Delaware must be like. You must know Joe Schmo! He lives in Delaware like you do. This should be a political advantage for us but it isn't possibly due to the strong differences between the poles of New Castle (Philadelphia media market) and Sussex (Baltimore media) counties. Traditionally, they are very rural with conservative politicians while those of us in New Castle live in high population density areas. There is a sign near where I live proporting to lead toward the Metroplex which turned out to be the city of Wilmington and all its associated sprawl. It's not a complaint, much less an exaggerated one when I buy into the theory that all of the land from New York City to Baltimore are becoming one giant city. What does a resident of that area have in common with a Sussex county farmer beyond some traditional American values? I write this to remind Vice President Biden of his lack of home field advantage and not to make fun of our Southern neighbors yet again.
I tend to look at candidates to see what natural constituencies each candidate might have. On the Democratic side, I'd like to start off with Hillary Clinton whom I believe would make the best candidate. I'm also start starting here to make a point against stereotypes. When I say that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has women among her natural constituents, I am not implying some sort of electoral sorority. What I am saying is that the choice between two candidates may be 50/50 on the issues but that a woman's gut instinct is more likely than not to choose another woman. Thus, 99% of women voters will most likely choose based on those issue stances that they believe in. The others will have that decision come down to the shared experiences they have based on their matching chromosomes. I'm only forced to make a weak joke about it because I am not a woman and I do not presume to tell women what experiences they share that will be important.
Clinton's political constituency includes a considerable portion of the coalition her husband formed to win the Presidency twice. He neutralized advantage of the so-called Reagan Democrats by bringing some working class white men back to the Democratic side. Some say it was a matter of policy including those who dismiss it as triangulation and others claim it was pure charisma including those who repeat, "I feel your pain," with more than a touch of sarcasm. Even in 2008 with an extremely gifted African-American politician who became one of our greatest Presidents without regard to the hue of one's skin, Clinton remained formidable with African-American voters. First her husband and now she will keep the South in play for Democratic candidates.
Moving on to Senator Bernie Sanders, I count the Northeast as his natural territorial constituency. He also has the support of intellectual liberals who have supported his policies for as long as we've heard of them. Sadly, we've hit a generation gap here because today's digital media was born while I was in college. Senator Sanders had to garner support through word of mouth, knocking on doors and coverage from a few lefty magazines out there. Despite the claims of Faux (sic, of course) News, the mainstream media was very center-right. Niche mediums tended to go even further to the right except for comedy which the absurdity of the right wing forced into the center-left. In other words, you cannot equate the impact of a Howard Stern with that of Rush Limbaugh and his host of imitators.
Now, you have the blogosphere and Twitter among others that balance things out a little. Unfortunately, the generational gap continues there. Comedy mixed with journalism and academic achievement have given Stephanie Miller, Jon Stewart and Rachel Maddow a louder voice but its impact fails to reach voters born before 1970. (I chose that year because it was a nice round year before I was born in 1974 and I tend to be a late adopter.) Thus, it will be difficult for Senator Sanders to reach outside his natural territory in my honest opinion.
In my honest opinion, neither Martin O'Malley nor Lincoln Chafee have a political constituency worth describing. Vice President Biden has his geographic political base in the Delaware Valley which includes New Castle County in DE and the Philadelphia region of PA. Honestly, he may be able to lay claim to Western PA as well but those voters tend to be far more conservative. The mainstream media likes Biden but it falls short of what I'd call political support as they split between Biden and Clinton. The slightly left of center media support Bernie Sanders except for feminists who support Clinton over Sanders for reasons of identity politics. The vast right wing media machine recognizes no difference among Democrats who are all part of the "Socialistic Democrat Party." Calling us the Democrat Party instead of the Democratic Party is an insult going all the way back to Roosevelt.
The good news is that most Sanders supporters will support Clinton or Biden in the general and so on. I simply do not see a path to the nomination for my greatest political hero, Joe Biden. We love you like a favorite uncle and wonder what your detractors are talking about when they go on about gaffes. You would make a great cabinet member and coming from the second smallest state won't hamper you there.
You hear jokes all over the place about what life in Delaware must be like. You must know Joe Schmo! He lives in Delaware like you do. This should be a political advantage for us but it isn't possibly due to the strong differences between the poles of New Castle (Philadelphia media market) and Sussex (Baltimore media) counties. Traditionally, they are very rural with conservative politicians while those of us in New Castle live in high population density areas. There is a sign near where I live proporting to lead toward the Metroplex which turned out to be the city of Wilmington and all its associated sprawl. It's not a complaint, much less an exaggerated one when I buy into the theory that all of the land from New York City to Baltimore are becoming one giant city. What does a resident of that area have in common with a Sussex county farmer beyond some traditional American values? I write this to remind Vice President Biden of his lack of home field advantage and not to make fun of our Southern neighbors yet again.
I tend to look at candidates to see what natural constituencies each candidate might have. On the Democratic side, I'd like to start off with Hillary Clinton whom I believe would make the best candidate. I'm also start starting here to make a point against stereotypes. When I say that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has women among her natural constituents, I am not implying some sort of electoral sorority. What I am saying is that the choice between two candidates may be 50/50 on the issues but that a woman's gut instinct is more likely than not to choose another woman. Thus, 99% of women voters will most likely choose based on those issue stances that they believe in. The others will have that decision come down to the shared experiences they have based on their matching chromosomes. I'm only forced to make a weak joke about it because I am not a woman and I do not presume to tell women what experiences they share that will be important.
Clinton's political constituency includes a considerable portion of the coalition her husband formed to win the Presidency twice. He neutralized advantage of the so-called Reagan Democrats by bringing some working class white men back to the Democratic side. Some say it was a matter of policy including those who dismiss it as triangulation and others claim it was pure charisma including those who repeat, "I feel your pain," with more than a touch of sarcasm. Even in 2008 with an extremely gifted African-American politician who became one of our greatest Presidents without regard to the hue of one's skin, Clinton remained formidable with African-American voters. First her husband and now she will keep the South in play for Democratic candidates.
Moving on to Senator Bernie Sanders, I count the Northeast as his natural territorial constituency. He also has the support of intellectual liberals who have supported his policies for as long as we've heard of them. Sadly, we've hit a generation gap here because today's digital media was born while I was in college. Senator Sanders had to garner support through word of mouth, knocking on doors and coverage from a few lefty magazines out there. Despite the claims of Faux (sic, of course) News, the mainstream media was very center-right. Niche mediums tended to go even further to the right except for comedy which the absurdity of the right wing forced into the center-left. In other words, you cannot equate the impact of a Howard Stern with that of Rush Limbaugh and his host of imitators.
Now, you have the blogosphere and Twitter among others that balance things out a little. Unfortunately, the generational gap continues there. Comedy mixed with journalism and academic achievement have given Stephanie Miller, Jon Stewart and Rachel Maddow a louder voice but its impact fails to reach voters born before 1970. (I chose that year because it was a nice round year before I was born in 1974 and I tend to be a late adopter.) Thus, it will be difficult for Senator Sanders to reach outside his natural territory in my honest opinion.
In my honest opinion, neither Martin O'Malley nor Lincoln Chafee have a political constituency worth describing. Vice President Biden has his geographic political base in the Delaware Valley which includes New Castle County in DE and the Philadelphia region of PA. Honestly, he may be able to lay claim to Western PA as well but those voters tend to be far more conservative. The mainstream media likes Biden but it falls short of what I'd call political support as they split between Biden and Clinton. The slightly left of center media support Bernie Sanders except for feminists who support Clinton over Sanders for reasons of identity politics. The vast right wing media machine recognizes no difference among Democrats who are all part of the "Socialistic Democrat Party." Calling us the Democrat Party instead of the Democratic Party is an insult going all the way back to Roosevelt.
The good news is that most Sanders supporters will support Clinton or Biden in the general and so on. I simply do not see a path to the nomination for my greatest political hero, Joe Biden. We love you like a favorite uncle and wonder what your detractors are talking about when they go on about gaffes. You would make a great cabinet member and coming from the second smallest state won't hamper you there.
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